Every time I've opened my wallet in the last three days I feel just a little bit empty inside. Although any sort of spending activity is relatively rare (unless it involves some sort of secondhand car buying), I am greeted with a glum feeling that I haven't experienced for, well, about 10 years now.

I am licenseless.

Nope, I haven't done anything stupid; I've not V-maxed the A686 or driven around the M25 with a bottle of Duvel in my cupholder. I've simply sent off the little pink card of joy to those lovely folks in Swansea to be issued with a shiny new one, complete with a photo of someone that actually looks like me. Well, more than the old picture of some spotty child wearing a Sweater Shop jumper anyway.

The thing is, I can't think of any occasion when it has been out of my sight since first arrival, back when the world was celebrating The Death Of The Millennium Bug. The closest I've come to loss is wondering in my late teens; what would happen if a grunting nightclub bouncer just pocketed it and told me to piss off? What would I do? Threaten him with a fist the size of his sovereign ring and a Ford Escort 1.1 car key? Who knows, but it always worried me, I think I'd rather have my passport confiscated. 

Apparently the green paper chasers will try their utmost to return your card within 14 days, which is rather good of them, especially since you are paying £20 for the privilege (plus an inevitable £5 for the wonky-faced mugshots). I certainly hope so, since I need it in approximately four and a bit weeks.

Although the empty space in your mind is the most significant, what are you supposed to do with that clear plastic 'display pouch' (try not to think of Borat) on the one side of your wallet which just looks plain stupid unfilled. 
What would look best in its place on proud display to shopkeepers and pin stealers? 
A Nectar card? Nah, too common and why would you show off the fact that "they've got you" (as Mark Corrigan would say). Halfords Trade Card? Too geeky I feel. Nandos Loyalty Card? 

I think I'll just stay indoors.

I've inadvertently just announced my age...